Subtle but important lesson on losses and gains

I was lying down on a hospital bed, feeling a little dizzy and nauseous from the anesthesia. I could hear the busy footsteps of the nurses and the regular beeps from my heart monitor. I had just gone through a minimally invasive surgery to remove my left ovary. I felt some throbbing pain on the lower left side of the abdomen. Just like that, my left ovary was gone. I’ve been suffering from a chronic medical condition called endometriosis, when tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside of the uterus. This had caused painful periods and my long fertility journey. Now, the source of much dramas in my life just got removed. Feeling weak, I checked my phone to see all the emails I missed due to surgery and what? I’m offered a job? This was nuts. I’ve been working towards this moment for the past two years! I gave away my ovary, and now I have a job. That moment, I learned something very subtle yet extremely valuable lesson about losses and gains. 

Patience and non-reciprocity mentality are key to navigating life that is full of losses and gains. I used to think that losing and gaining are two sides of the same coin. Thus, good will happen once we give. This is generally true, except that good may not happen immediately. Life doesn’t promise you’ll gain something just because you lost or gave something. My parents have always tried to raise their daughters as givers. They exemplified giving whenever they can. When they met friends, they willingly traveled further to meet near where the friends were. My parents often picked up the bills at the restaurants at family or friend gatherings. My dad frequently bought notebooks and helped pay for the tuitions for his small company’s employees’ kids. What’s more important than the act of giving is the mentality. They were doing this without expecting anything in return. As a result, when hardships hit, they were never resentful of any givings they’ve done in the past. When good things happened, they were even more genuinely surprised and grateful because they didn’t expect them in the first place. 

I feel even more excited and grateful for the job opportunity because it happened when I was not expecting anything. I know giving up on my left ovary has nothing to do with it. But it has everything to do with the right mentality. Becoming a parent myself has taught me that it’s absolutely possible to continue to give or lose, however you look at it, and not expect anything in return. When my parents discussed the importance of giving, now I’m finally grasping what they really meant. When you give, just give. Don’t expect or wait for any rewards. Don’t think about what you gave or lost. Just live. Live fully with patience and best intentions, expecting nothing in return. Life will be more beautiful with surprises when you just live. 

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