How do you distinguish a true friend from a fair-weather friend?

Having a true friend is a gift of lifetime. It is hard to find. It is even more difficult to maintain that strong bond through out the different life phases. It is however, worth it to go through the struggles to find one and cultivate that friendship. What then is a true friend? A true friend is someone who you can be yourself when you’re around him/her (yes, you can be your not so cool, silly, goofy, boring, lazy and all other versions of yourself without feeling judged). You can wholeheartedly trust him/her. This true friend also helps bring out the best in you and vice versa. I’m lucky to have such truest friends. I’ve made many mistakes though along the way thinking that someone is my true friend when she really wasn’t. It is important to develop keen eyes to distinguish between a true friend to keep and a fair-weather one to keep a distance from. Here are the top three questions to ask to help you decide:

1. Are their values aligned to yours? Values are your guiding principles that help you decide how you will interact with others and live your life. Family, integrity, gratitude, personal growth, honesty, self-reliance and courage are some examples of the values that inspire me. Without directly asking what their values are, you can usually find friends with similar ones when you chat with them. Immediately, you will feel that you’re being heard and can quickly form a deeper connection.
   

2. Are they genuinely happy about your success? For some reason, I observed that female friends find it more difficult to celebrate another female friend’s success. Since we’re young, we’re taught that there are clear winners and losers. Olympics is a classic demonstration of where we see one gold medalist winner, and all others portrayed as ‘losers’. All bachelorettes can declare their love for the bachelor, and yet, only one will get a rose. Women tend to take it more personally thinking that if my friend is successful, somehow, that makes me not so successful. Can your friend be truly happy for your wildly successful self (however you define it) and can you do the same for your friend?
   

3. Can you trust them to not bad mouth you when you’re not around? One of women’s superpowers is the ability to form strong connection with other women for emotional and mental support. We are able to do that because we are not afraid to show our vulnerabilities more easily than men. When you show your vulnerabilities, you usually form deeper connections. However, if you show your vulnerabilities to a wrong friend, that person could use this information against you. Before sharing all your hopes, dreams, and insecurities, ask yourself, can you trust that this person will carefully guard your personal stories as their own even when you’re not around?

If you answered no to any one of these top three questions, you may want to pause and keep some distance with this friend. Spend your time in cultivating more meaningful friendships with your true friends. Talking about friendships, how about just sending a quick ‘thinking of you’ message to our dearest friends? Sign up to the newsletter to be the first to know when a new blog article is posted.