How to unmask at workplace as an introvert

We probably all have heard that bringing authentic self to work is important. If one’s an introvert, that’s not an easy task when extrovert qualities seem more valued and rewarded at work. This is especially true in the US more so than in Asia, where reserved and reflective leadership is common and equally rewarded. What is an introvert anyway and how did workplace in the US come to value extrovert qualities more? Introverts are people who draw their energy from reflections and solitudes. Extroverts are those who gain energy from interacting with others. With the emphasis on innovation and entrepreneurship, leaders who are more vocal, charismatic, and social have emerged as ‘the ideal leader’ in the corporate US.

The society’s expectation for a leader to be a certain type often creates an inner conflict among the introverts e.g. how much should one try to act like an extrovert to be seen as a leader in corporate America? I struggled with this quite a bit. It’s also interesting that I was seen more as an extrovert in Asia until I came to the US. Many times I wondered, should I go have another drink at the bar when I feel like I just need a break? Would not going out make me look less committed and not a team player? Would not replying all to the late night group texts make me seem not as interested? How many more drinks do I need to even remotely look like I’m bubbly charming and enjoying myself at the small talks?

As an introvert, let’s not forget that introverts make incredibly powerful leaders, including amazing female leaders. Oprah Winfrey, Eleanor Roosevelt, Meryl Streep, and JK Rowling are just some of the examples that I admire. Contrary to a common myth, introvert leaders are not shy to speak their minds and to show off their works. After much struggles and reflections on this topic through the years in corporate US, I’ve collected my own tips and insights that may be helpful for any introvert that is going through the same journey.

• Stop overthinking it. I used to spend a lot of time thinking about how I can try to be more extrovert at work. Instead of helping, that made me more self-conscious and distracted. If you’re experiencing this, just tell yourself to stop and stay focused. I found that when I’m truly focused on making things better, introvert or extrovert debate didn’t even cross my mind. Take Jennifer Lopez. In her recent Vogue interview, she said she always felt like a loner in celebrity circles. Despite that, she stayed focused on her works and the rest is history. Don’t let yourself cast doubts on being yourself. Don’t waste time thinking too much about it. Just stay focused on your works and you’ll naturally get to show the real, awesome you.
  

• Take time for yourself. Oprah, right before filming her show, always took the elevator for just one floor. This gave her uninterrupted time to speak to the higher spiritual being so that she can be her very best in each episode. For me, back to back live meetings have always been so draining. What I now do is making sure to mix in virtual meetings so that I can take a bit of a break and recharge. Intentionally plan the day so that there is time to breathe, relax, and recharge. Go for a quick walk, listen to a song or meditate for a few minutes — whatever it is, take those few minutes so that you can be your best self at your work.
  

• Choose who you want to connect with. Being authentic includes sharing vulnerabilities. That doesn’t mean one should share her vulnerabilities with all her teammates. Brené Brown, the author of Dare to Lead, emphasizes that the other person has to earn the trust for one to share the vulnerabilities. This is especially true at the workplace where we often don’t choose the people that we work with or report to. I once shared my personal stories with someone who I closely worked with. That person ended up using the information against me, behind my back. Be mindful on who you share your vulnerabilities with and don’t feel pressured to deeply connect with everyone you work with.

“Our culture is biased against quiet and reserved people, but introverts are responsible for some of humanity’s greatest achievements” — Susan Cain. I once wished I fit the classic mold of a social butterfly, charismatic leader. Now, I so love my reflective, intentional, and thoughtful self. Today’s world needs more listening, compassionate and servant-like leaders. Introverts, let’s be true to our nature because that’s when we can bring our best selves to the world that needs us. Friends of introverts, let’s create comfort zones for introverts to be themselves and thrive together.

Sign up to the newsletter to be the first to know when a new blog article is posted.