How women can stop worrying and start living

I used to be a worrier. When single, I worried about getting into the school I want, landing on my dream job, dressing up well, saying the right things, being liked, and meeting the one. After marriage, I worried about having kids, raising them as good human beings, paying for their education, getting promoted, ensuring parents have good health, buying a house, and figuring out what I should do when I grow up and what my purpose in life is. When I met with a few of my closest friends, I realized I wasn’t alone. One person was worried about a bad event that happened almost a year ago. Why did that happen? Did I do something wrong? Another was worried about the future. What should I do next? What if I still feel stuck?

Somehow, women seem to be more prone to worrying than men are. According to Mayo Clinic, women are twice as likely than men to be diagnosed with depression. Why? Some say women are wired to worry and be cautious to protect the kids. Hormonal changes, for instance, during puberty, pre menstruation, and following birth, have also been found to trigger depression. We and the society place a lot of pressure and unrealistic expectations on ourselves, that are not helping the situation. It’s also possible that men may suffer from depression just as much, and don’t seek help. Whatever the reason, the good news is that we can learn to stop worrying and start living.

The only way to end that downward spiral of worries is to be present. Women mostly worry about things that are outside of control like our past and future. The only thing that we have control over is right now, this very moment. We cannot change what happened. We don’t know what future will look like. We need to let go of the past and stop worrying about the future, because tomorrow depends on how fully we were able to live today. Just be here, be now, and be present.

This revelation was liberating to me. I felt like some heavy weight has been lifted from my shoulders. By paying full attention to each moment of the day, I’m able to better listen to what life is trying to tell me. I began appreciating smaller things more. I became happier. I would love for more women to stop worrying and start living, because I know first hand it is entirely possible. To fully live the moment, try below tips that worked for me:

• Prioritize self-care. It is so important to take care of our own physical and mental health before anything else. If you don’t yet, try to devote time everyday and every week for your own self-care. This is because the only way that we can do what we love and take care of all our loved ones is by taking care of ourselves first. After birth to my second kid, I strained my back a few times. My husband tried to tell me many times that I needed to start working out and strengthen my back muscles. I didn’t listen for the longest time, until one day, the back pain was so bad that I couldn’t even sit up. He got me a walking stick to go to places. I felt miserable. I felt so old and helpless. That’s when I started to prioritize working out. Even if I feel as though I have a million things to get done, I still find time twice a week to work out. I protect that as my self-care time. Thank goodness for this, because it’s given me so much positive energy and strength to do the things I love.
  

• Take a mental snapshot of the moment. Right before my wedding day, a wise friend once told me to take a mental snapshot of each moment through out the day, because it goes by too quickly. Throughout the wedding day, I tried to do exactly that. I consciously took moments to take a mental note of everything that was happening — the laughter, music, energy, delicious food smell and all the warm hugs. I try to do that through out my ordinary day. When I’m walking my daughter to drop her off in school, I try to really savor the moment — her little hand, the chatter, sound of the cars passing by, and crisp morning air. It’s these small moments that matter. Each moment is so precious because it will not come back.
  

• Practice a daily gratitude. The daily gratitude can be in the form of a journal, a discussion, or even just a quick mental exercise. What’s most important is that it is done daily. That way, we are training our brain to stop worrying, and instead, to be grateful. As a family, we do a mini gratitude session every night before going to bed. It’s so heartwarming to hear from kids that they’re grateful I read a book to them. With gratitude, there is no space for worries to sneak in.

Each moment is truly a gift. Let’s allow ourselves to fully take in the moment and let go of the past. If we lived today and made decisions the best way we can with the limited information we have, then life will take us to the best future that we aspire it to be. Tomorrow is a reflection of how we lived each moment today. So, let’s stop worrying and start living today the best way we know how.

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